When You Are Not Sure Whether to Stay or Leave

If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that is the best path, you may feel caught in a painful and confusing place. Discernment Counseling is designed for couples in this situation. It offers a chance to slow down, take a breath, and carefully look at your options for the future of your marriage.

Discernment Counseling is a structured process created for couples where one partner is leaning out of the relationship and unsure that marriage counseling or couples therapy would help, while the other partner is leaning in and hoping the relationship can be rebuilt.

The counselor helps you consider three possible paths: working toward restoring the marriage to health, moving toward divorce, or taking a period of time before making a final decision. The goal is not to immediately solve the problems in the relationship, but to understand whether those problems are workable and what direction makes the most sense.

A Process Focused on Clarity

Discernment Counseling is designed to help couples gain clarity and confidence about their next step. This clarity comes from a deeper understanding of the relationship, how the current situation developed, and what possibilities exist for the future.

Each partner is treated with compassion and respect regardless of how they are feeling about the relationship. The the focus is on understanding the patterns that brought the relationship to this point.

You will come in together as a couple, but much of the work happens in individual conversations with the counselor during the session. This allows each partner space to reflect honestly on their experience and their hopes for the future.

The counselor respects the reasons someone may be considering divorce while also opening space to consider whether the relationship could be repaired. A central part of the process is helping each partner reflect on their own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This insight can be meaningful whether the relationship continues or ends.

Number of Sessions and Fee

Discernment Counseling is intentionally short term.

• The intake is one hour and the first session is two hours

• Follow up sessions are 90 minutes, up to 4 sessions total

• The fee is $300 per hour, payable at the time of service

• We do not accept health insurance

When Discernment Counseling May Not Be Appropriate

Discernment Counseling is not the right fit in the following situations:

• When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce

• When one spouse is being pressured or coerced to participate

• When there is current serious violence or abuse in the relationship

Our Team

Cristina Trette, LMFT provides Discernment Counseling at Integrative Couples Therapy. Cristina completed the Discernment Counseling training through the Doherty Institute and specializes in working with couples who are on the brink of divorce.

She brings warmth and care to couples during this pivotal time and is committed to helping partners thoughtfully consider their options and navigate next steps.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the goal of Discernment Counseling?
The goal is to help couples gain confidence and clarity about the direction of the relationship. Rather than trying to solve marital problems, like we do in couples therapy, the process focuses on understanding whether the relationship can be repaired and what path forward makes the most sense.

What are the possible outcomes of Discernment Counseling?
Couples usually move toward one of three directions: committing to divorce, committing to a focused period of couples therapy to try to repair the relationship, or deciding to take more time before making a final decision.

Will we be pushed to stay together or to divorce?
No. Your therapist will not advise you or guide you toward a specific outcome. The purpose is to help both partners understand how they have contributed to the problems in their marriage so a thoughtful decision can be made.

How is Discernment Counseling different from traditional couples therapy?
Couples therapy assumes that both partners want to work on the relationship. Discernment Counseling is designed for couples who are not in the same place and need help deciding whether they want to try to rebuild the relationship.

What happens after Discernment Counseling?
Some couples decide to begin couples therapy and work on repairing the relationship. Others decide to separate in a more thoughtful and respectful way. The goal is that both partners move forward with greater understanding and confidence in their decision.

Moving Forward

When a relationship reaches this point, it can feel overwhelming to know what to do next. Discernment Counseling offers a structured space to understand what has happened, consider what is possible, and decide what direction feels right for both of you.

If you would like support during this important moment in your relationship, contact our office to learn more or schedule a consultation. We are here to help you move forward with greater clarity and care.