When we talk about trust in relationships, what do we actually mean? Is it about believing your partner means what they say? That they have integrity and speak the truth? That they will honor your agreements surrounding commitments and fidelity? I think most people would agree that trust encompasses these elements.

Dr. John Gottman, researcher and relationship expert, has spent decades studying couples in his “Love Lab.” His research shows that the happiest and most lasting relationships share one key behavior: partners consistently turn toward each other, both emotionally and physically. This simple act of intentional connection builds the foundation for trust, closeness, and lasting love.

People in unhappy marriages often blame their partner for the relationship problems they are facing. The tendency to blame others is due, in part, to the fundamental attribution error—a common cognitive bias in which people attribute others' poor behavior to character flaws or personality traits while attributing their own poor behavior to situational factors.

In relationships, the negative cycle is a recurring pattern of interaction between partners, driven by reactive behaviors that are fueled by unmet attachment needs. When couples are in the cycle, on the surface, we typically see one partner disengaging, turning emotions off, defending, or pulling away. We see the other partner pursuing engagement, expressing high emotion, criticizing, and demanding.

If you are bogged down with fights, tension, coldness or general sense of dissatisfaction in your relationship it can be hard to see the light. This is particularly true if you have already tried couples therapy and things are not better.

This is a very hard spot to be in. You might be feeling hopeless and stuck. Although we recommend couples therapy for distressed relationships, I want to give you reassurance that change is still possible. Keep reading to learn more.

The negative cycle is a term used by EFT couples therapists to describe a disconnecting (and distressing) pattern of interaction that arises between partners. This cycle is driven by blocked or big emotions and unmet attachment needs. It is also influenced by nervous system responses, that serve a very important function, but are not effective in this context. 

Back when I was parenting my three children at the ages 1, 3, and 5, I had the very best intentions and loved them deeply. Yet day after day, I found myself melting down with their tantrums, feeling frazzled with sibling fights, and white knuckling transitions (from dinner to bath, school to home, and park to car). I tried with all my might to do parenting well. Yet I was struggling.

After the birth of the first baby, 67 percent of couples see their relationship satisfaction plummet, according to research by John Gottman, PhD. The arrival of the first newborn throws most parents into a total life change overnight. Many couples, used to life of flexibility and autonomy, have a difficult time adjusting to the demands of a newborn, despite the fact that they love their new child.

Let me start by saying, I love my kids deeply and I love being a mother. Yet those early years of parenting babies, toddlers, and kindergarteners were hard! My baby would wake me at the crack of dawn. This was followed by a brief moment of cuddles and coffee. Then came a swirl of breakfast, diapers, dressing, car seats, strollers, school drop off, cleaning, laundry, playdates, lunch, naps, more diapers, karate, soccer, dance, gymnastics, homework, dinner, show, bath, teeth, jammies, bedtime stories, and finally, sleep.

Sometimes everything is as good as it gets. Everyone in the family is rested, balanced, cooperative, and home life feels good. Then we go through periods where the kids struggle, life is rushed, and parenting feels hard. Let's face it, when we have little kids are home, family life can be unpredictable. One minute its all smiles and laughter and the next minute its tears and meltdowns. ​

Parenting is one of the most challenging endeavors we take on as humans. Being responsible for the survival of our young is no easy task. Beyond this, most parents aim to see their children go far beyond just survival. We want our children to thrive. It is easy to get distracted by all the parenting approaches out there that promise well-behaved and happy kids. Yet, as a therapist that specializes in working with parents, couples, and families, I can assure you that creating strong family relationships is the best parenting approach I know of. ​

Recently I was chatting with some friends about various aspects of life. These are brilliant and loving women who are doing incredible things with their lives. Yet as we talked, what emerged was a strikingly simple theme: something was missing. We talked about how we wanted thriving careers, joyful families, passionate love lives, and great health. Simply put, we want it all. Yet, not a single one of us felt we had it all. ​

What exactly does trust mean? Does it mean that you know your partner won’t cheat on you? Or that you believe your partner will always tell the truth. Well, yes, it encompasses these examples, but true trust entails far more than this. True trust means that you know that your partner will be there for you. If the level of trust in your relationship is lower than you would like, read on for some trust building tips. ​

Couples tend to carry an array of expectations for the other and the relationship. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all have expectations on household duties, finances, decision making, housing, vacation, sleep, routines, parenting, raising children. Since this is a romantic relationship, and not a business arrangement, we also have expectations around sex, passion, intimacy, commitment, fidelity, connection, friendship, companionship, and partnership.

How many times have you heard the story about someone embarking on a total life change upon the heels of illness, injury, divorce, or death? The great inspirer, Brendon Burchard, talks publicly about how a tragic car accident served as a catalyst for him to start living a life that matters. The motivational speaker, Klyn Elsbury, goes big towards dreams every single day, while simultaneously fighting Cystic Fibrosis a chronic, progressive, and frequently fatal illness. ​