What is Premarital Couples Therapy?

Premarital therapy is focused on couples that are preparing for a long term committed relationship - whether that is dating, marriage, blending families or anything in-between. Working with a premarital therapist can provide a supportive space to dive into the ins-and-outs of building a long term relationship. It can also help couples maintain direction amidst the intense array of high-and-low moments that often come with the process of life long love.

Premarital therapy can be an important proactive step towards building awareness and a healthy foundation from the get-go! When this is established before major issues arise, it allows for greater confidence to address other life challenges as they come up along the way.

Common Topics Explored in Premarital Counseling

Values and Beliefs

Whether this aligns with beliefs around spirituality, generational traditions or world-views, discussing core values helps partners feel connected and secure in their future within their relationship. Some questions for couples to explore in therapy or on their own include:

• What values are we wanting to prioritize both individually and with each other?

• What beliefs have we been brought up with that we want to maintain or let go of?

• What traditions are we wanting to create within our relationship?

Roles and Responsibilities

Becoming explicit about the assumptions all partners hold around relational roles and responsibilities can bring much needed clarity and direction for couples as they start to integrate their lives. Couples can benefit from being explicit with each other and their premarital therapist can help guide these conversations:

• How do we want to divide responsibilities when it comes to managing our home and daily life?

• How will we support each other in our careers and work outside the home?

• What are our hopes and expectations around sharing the responsibilities of parenting (if we have or want to have children)?

• How involved do we want our extended families to be in our lives and family?

• What do we each see as our core responsibilities to one another in this relationship?

• How do we want to show up for others in our lives, such as our friends, family, and community?

Finances

Discussions around finances can be understandably emotionally charged, which makes having the support of a therapist a great tool in ensuring emotional safety and openness around such a vulnerable topic.

• How are we going to navigate shared and separate expenses and savings?

• How much integration or separateness do we want in this area?

• What is our relationship with money?

• What are our short-term and long-term financial goals?

Boundaries

I often say that forming a relationship is like creating a “new island” with just you and your partner. There is a renegotiation of boundaries, expectations and general dynamics with immediate and extended loved ones during this time of formation. Premarital therapy can support with re-establishing bridges and pathways with others to your “new island” with your partner

• What are the boundaries we are wanting to set with others as a couple unit?

• What has been difficult about setting or maintaining these boundaries?

• How has this transition felt for us?

• What are ways the relationship can feel supportive in this area?

Stress Management and Emotion Regulation

Whether it is around settling into deep commitment, entering new life stages, wedding planning, or blending families, it is normal for stress or intense emotions to increase and there be a need for increased support. Couples can benefit from understanding how each person copes with stress.

• Do you feel seen in areas of major stress by each other?

• Can you identify and share what feels supportive to manage stress?

• What happens when emotions become intense within the relationship?

• How are you wanting to work together to address major stress?

Intimacy

Developing emotional and physical intimacy can be some of the most daunting (and rewarding) aspects of a new relationship! Prioritizing trust and safety while building intimacy with your partner through the help of premarital therapy ensures a strong foundation for continued connection.

• What are our needs and expectations around emotional and physical intimacy?

• How have past/current experiences influence our ability to be vulnerable and trust each other?

• What fears, hopes, and dreams do we have around building intimacy?

Taking the step to invest in processing these areas with a premarital therapist is an investment in establishing a strong foundation based on awareness, effective skills and comprehensive support!