What to Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want Sex: 12 Proven Tips to Reignite Intimacy

What happens when one partner craves intimacy while the other is rarely in the mood? A healthy sex life is often a cornerstone of a thriving relationship. When sexual needs go unmet, frustration, disconnection, and resentment can slowly chip away at emotional closeness. Left unchecked, this can trigger a downward spiral in the relationship.

But here’s the good news: you are not alone, and there are practical steps you can take to reconnect with your spouse or long-term partner—both inside and outside of the bedroom.

How Common Are Sexless Marriages?

Finding reliable, up-to-date statistics on low sex or sexless marriages can be challenging. A 2003 Newsweek article reported that 15% to 20% of married couples with kids have sex fewer than 10 times per year. That translates to nearly 20 million couples struggling with low sexual frequency.

Talk to marriage and family therapists—or even your friends—and you’ll hear countless stories that suggest this number is actually much higher. Many couples want a better sex life, but daily realities such as work, parenting, lack of sleep, household duties, and financial stress often push intimacy to the back burner.

It’s important to remember: while it may be common, living in a sexless or low-sex marriage doesn’t have to be your “new normal.”

12 Ways to Rekindle Intimacy in a Sexless Marriage

If you feel stuck, these strategies can help you reignite connection, passion, and desire with your partner.

1. Stop Keeping Score
Feeling pressured or obligated to have sex is a major turn-off. Instead of expecting intimacy as a reward, focus on bonding and emotional connection.

2. Clarify What You Really Want
Sex feels good and is fun—but often what we’re really craving is connection, affection, and physical closeness. Identify your true needs and communicate them openly.

3. Build Security Before Taking Risks
Passion naturally fades after the “honeymoon phase.” To bring back excitement, try new experiences together. But first, strengthen the foundation of respect, safety, and trust.

4. Be Vulnerable
Share your fears, desires, and insecurities. Opening up emotionally can deepen intimacy and set the stage for sexual closeness.

5. Practice Active Listening
Sometimes your partner doesn’t want solutions—they want to feel heard. Listen without interrupting or trying to fix the problem.

6. Flirt Like You Used To
Send playful texts, steal a kiss at the door, or make each other laugh. Small gestures keep romance alive.

7. Add a Little Teasing
A gentle touch, a whispered compliment, or a spontaneous kiss can spark anticipation. Keep it light and fun.

8. Talk About Fantasies and Preferences
Whether it’s role play, oral sex, or tantra, honest conversations about likes and dislikes can expand your intimacy.

9. Offer a Massage—With No Expectations
A relaxing full-body massage is a powerful way to bond physically. Keep it non-sexual to build trust and closeness.

10. Share Responsibilities
If exhaustion is killing your sex life, step up with childcare, chores, or errands. A less-stressed partner is more open to intimacy.

11. Step Back From Pursuing
If one partner is always initiating and the other is always rejecting, take a break from chasing. This shift can reset the dynamic.

12. Seek Professional Support
If nothing seems to help, couples therapy can provide guidance and tools for rebuilding intimacy.

Final Thoughts

Struggling with mismatched sexual desire doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. By focusing on emotional connection, communication, and small acts of intimacy, you can rebuild a sex life that feels exciting, safe, and deeply fulfilling.