Relationships That Become A Source of Soothing and Support

Trauma shapes how your nervous system responds to stress, how safe you feel in your body, and how you connect with the people closest to you. Even when trauma occurred long ago, its impact often shows up in present day relationships through heightened reactivity, emotional shutdown, conflict, or disconnection. Many couples and individuals seek therapy because they have trauma from their past that is showing up in their romantic relationship and they know it is time to heal.

At Integrative Couples Therapy, we understand trauma through a relational, attachment based, Emotionally Focused Therapy lens. When trauma happens in relationships, healing is supported in relationships as well. Trauma threatens our sense of attachment and safety in relationships, leading protective patterns to emerge. These patterns are adaptive responses that once helped you survive. Today, we want you to know that you can have safe and secure relationships in the present.

How Trauma Shows Up

Trauma can appear in quiet, everyday ways rather than dramatic symptoms. You may notice yourself withdrawing, becoming easily agitated, shutting down emotionally, or being flooded by big emotions. In relationships, this can lead to cycles of pursuit and withdrawal, conflict that escalates quickly, or a disorientation and overwhelm, making it almost impossible to stay engaged.

Common experiences include:

• Feeling constantly on alert or unable to fully relax

• Emotional numbness, shutdown, or disconnection

• Strong reactions to tone, conflict, or perceived rejection

• Difficulty trusting others or relying on support

• Trouble sleeping, concentrating, or regulating emotions

• Avoidance of conversations, places, situations, or closeness

• Using work, substances, screens, or other behaviors to cope or escape

Our Attachment Based Approach to Trauma

Our trauma work is grounded in attachment theory, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and an understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat, particularly when we are psychologically alone. In therapy, we focus on creating emotional safety and stability. Sessions are paced carefully, with attention to regulation, consent, and choice.

In Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy we help you understand your trauma responses, develop greater emotional regulation, and rebuild a sense of internal safety and self trust. In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, we explore how each partner’s trauma history may influence the relationship cycle, especially during moments of stress. As safety grows, new emotional experiences become possible. Together with your partner, you can create new patterns and the experience of having a relationship that is consistently nurturing and loving.

Next Steps

If trauma is impacting your sense of self or your relationship, therapy can make a meaningful difference. We invite you to reach out and learn more to get started.