How many times have you heard the story about someone embarking on a total life change upon the heels of illness, injury, divorce, or death? The great inspirer, Brendon Burchard, talks publicly about how a tragic car accident served as a catalyst for him to start living a life that matters. The motivational speaker, Klyn Elsbury, goes big towards dreams every single day, while simultaneously fighting Cystic Fibrosis a chronic, progressive, and frequently fatal illness. ​

At the start of a relationship, most couples show up with their best self forward. During the infatuation phase, we rarely see flaws in our partner. We our on our best behavior and interact with respect and care. When we are with a new romantic partner, brain chemicals have us buzzing around in a minor state of bliss for the first several months to two years of being in a new relationship. Over time, a more realistic and sustainable way of being together emerges. This leads us to stage of more mature love that comes complete with bad days and bad moods.

Many couples report wanting a better sex life. But with children, careers, endless household duties, financial pressures, and all of the other energy drainers that come with modern family life, sexual desire can fade away. This is fairly common. 20% of couples who are married with kids have sex less than 10 times a year, which translates to around 20 million couples not having much sex. But common does not necessarily mean it is healthy or desirable. Alas, problems arise when one wants sex more or the other wants sex less. And if you become complacent, not much is likely to change.

Couples that have been together for multiple years (or decades) find they need to work at keeping their love alive. Many couples end up more like roommates than lover or feel something is missing from their relationship. If you can relate to this, keep reading. ​

Long gone are the days when couples were expected to keep their relationship difficulties locked up behind closed doors. Today, couples therapy is in the spotlight. Former President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama have shared publicly on their value of marriage counseling. Celebrities, such as Dax Sheppard and Kristen Bell and Pink and Carey Hart, speak up about how couples therapy in a key factor in their relationship happiness. Couples Therapy is quickly becoming popular, accepted, and understood as an important way for couples to prevent and overcome challenges and maintain long term relationship bliss.

We will all encounter mis-communication, mis-steps and mis-understandings with the person we love. Conflict will happen. Some arguing within romantic relationships is normal. In fact, when couples never fight, this can indicate they are avoiding communication all together, which is not ideal. In healthy relationships, when problems arise, we can go directly to our partner, have a conversation, and take steps towards resolution. We can also repair after an argument and find a way to get back on track. ​

I have come to know that every single one of us will struggle on and off throughout life. Two steps forward, one step back, seems to be the way. I have also noticed that for some, after having a big setback, they will crumble and never find their out. Others are able to use the struggle itself to propel forward, and immerse in learning and growth after the fall. What makes the difference between those who fall apart, and can't get back up, and those who get back up and leap ahead?

If your relationship has been struggling, it will take time and effort to create lasting change. Yet there are ways you can begin to improve your relationship right now. A great place to begin is to raise your awareness of the various thoughts and feelings that happen inside of you. It sounds simple but the ability to notice our inner experience empowers us to create better outer experiences. If you like the idea of starting the journey to improve your relationship, keep reading.

One thing I know for certain about romantic relationships is that they ebb and flow. There will be good times and there will be bad times. As a couples therapist, I see this play out over and over again. Sometimes couples come to session in the midst of an argument. As we dive into their inner experience, they can be caught in a sense of hopelessness and despair. They may share thoughts about leaving the relationship. The next week, that same couple can show up holding hands and update me with a brief recount of great sex and tender moments. They don't want to leave the relationship and all is well again. ​

People often want to know, what is the one thing I can do to turn my marriage around? There are many way couples can create positive change within their relationship. Yet, if I had to share just one thing to STOP doing, it would be this: stop blaming your partner for your troubles. ​

The story of a woman losing herself in mothering is so common. Perhaps the reason why it appears to be so hard for so many, is that we have not formalized this right of passage for women, and honored this transition for what it is.

All couples have their rough moments. Fights, missteps, and miscommunications will happen. It is unrealistic for our relationships to be blissful 100 percent of the time. Yet, some relationships dip into the negative too often. This can have both partners experience high stress which is not good for the relationship or personal wellbeing. Keep reading to shift out of negative patterns and into positive ones. ​

Marriage and Family Therapists are trained to bolster a client's sense of agency. We immerse in the art and science of holding space and asking important questions with the purpose of helping our clients improve their lives and relationships. We tend to carry deep acceptance no matter what it is that is being shared and steer clear of advice giving. ​

People talk about searching for their soulmate and twin flame. Or finding that one special person they are meant to be with, who is ultra compatible, and ultimately, “the one”. On an spiritual level, I see why it may be important for two particular people to come together. I like to believe that my partner and I have come together for a reason far greater than ourselves. My partner and I like to talk about our soul mate essence. ​

When couples first meet, generally they have as much sex as they can. From an evolutionary perspective, humans are wired to find a partner, mate, and raise offspring. High interest at the start of a relationship creates a positive feedback loop in which sex releases good feeling brain chemicals. This promotes bonding and a desire to have even more sex. All of this serves to keep our species alive.

So much connection can happen during sex: it feels great, happy brain chemicals are released, and healing skin to skin contact occurs. For highly attuned couples, sex becomes a potent exchange of mind, body, and spirit which creates bonding and the experience of oneness. This is good stuff I tell you!

At the start of a relationship, most couples show up with their best self forward. During the infatuation phase, we rarely see flaws in our partner. Happy brain chemical release has us buzzing around in a minor state of bliss for the first one to two years of being in a new relationship

When looking at relationships, I view struggle as part of the relational process that can lead to immense growth. Staying together, and working through the hard times when you really want to leave, is part of what can make a beautiful and lasting love. ​

What happens when one partner wants sex and his wife or long term lover is rarely in the mood? A healthy sex life is part of what makes up a thriving relationship and general feelings of well-being. When one or both partners are feeling unsatisfied in this area, this can trigger the beginning of a downward spiral that does not end up very well. ​